By Fabiano de Abreu

What eats away at me the most is my own duality. On one hand, I recognize my abilities and creativity; on the other, I find myself constrained by deep emotional barriers that prevent me from turning these virtues into material prosperity.

I gave up college to carve my own path independently, guiding myself by an uninfluenced philosophy while shaping my life according to societal standards. Yet, I was always driven by my creativity, effort, and innovation. I learned the importance of sociability and began to see the thoughts and actions of others as reflections of paths I might or might not follow, adapting my creative ideas to reshape my very essence.

Upon returning to my studies, I developed a hyperfocus that began to dictate my routine, making my neurons eager and adapted to the new. With each discovery, I realized there was always more to explore, and my creativity expanded into an even broader spectrum of possibilities.

However, the more I delved into this knowledge and the more I exercised my mind in this format, the more I became dependent on these habits. This neuronal transformation not only altered my personality but also made me pay attention to details I had previously overlooked.

This process gradually alienated me from others, inciting fears about my old age. I see people more and more as pre-fabricated molds of the inevitable, and I perceive life in an increasingly literal way.

As a child, I wrote poems about shadows sliding down the wall of my room, the only listeners to my voice. At that time, I did not understand that I was in a constant quest to find myself, adapt, and uncover the purpose of my existence. Thirty-two years have passed since then, and now I see that it was more rewarding to live in the mystery of childhood than to unravel all the puzzles.

I am gradually isolating myself, and what is most curious is that I do not do it out of fear or insecurity, but rather driven by an intrinsic desire that brings me satisfaction. The shadows that once sang in my imagination are now silenced, for I know they were merely creations, not reality. Oh, how I wish I could see the world with less realism.